Jealousy
by Sam St. James
Summary: A drabble about what it sometimes feels to be Ianto... Iantos POV, but Gwen-centered and Gwen-friendly, don't like her, don't read . Set somewhere after Exit Wounds.


A/N: That's just a short drabble that had to be written - somehow. As a warning: If you're a Janto-shipper you might not like this story, so maybe you don't want to read; if you don't like Gwen... don't read it either XD.

Aye and I hope you don't mind the style... it's a bit... _unenglish_ I fear, with all those long, long describing sentences - but God... I love it this way.

Anyway, read and enjoy.

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**Jealousy**

There she is, Gwen, the woman that's stealing your lovers heart, ever so slowly and probably mostly unconscious but still unstoppable. Her admittedly beautiful big eyes shine with passion and emotion, with love and sadness and so many more feelings… and sometimes you feel drawn to that so generous display of overflowing life as well; you understand why he fell for her, but that doesn't make it any easier.

She probably has already stolen the heart of your lover, or at least a big part of it; it's in her possession but she doesn't know or doesn't want to know and therefore will probably never give it back. She tried though, you have to give her that, she married to get out of the equation, but it didn't help. The heart of your lover still clings to her; she occupies his mind as often as you do and he knows that you know it.

The intensity of unacknowledged feelings between Gwen and him makes you want to vomit at times, the deep love in both their eyes in those intense moments when they're completely oblivious to the rest of the world makes you want to smack both of them hard to bring some sense to them and escape the almost physical pain you feel from just watching and the sadness in his face when, at the end of the day, he has to let her return home to her husband makes you want to cry. But you don't, you just pretend you don't know, you don't see, you don't hear and you don't feel the pain when he looks at her this way that lets you know it's nearly a lie when he looks at you.

But it's just nearly a lie; you don't question his sincerity as well as you don't question Gwens feelings for Rhys. There are at least two different kinds of love at work here. In the end that won't change anything, though, because Gwen and your lover are inevitably drawn to each other like moths to a flame; if it's romantic love, or love out of respect, or love just out of physical need, physical attraction due to the perfect compatibility of sex-pheromones, or whatever it is that draws them together, won't make any difference.

„Ianto, are you okay? You look a little ill." The care in Gwens questioning eyes, the genuine worry in her voice when she gently asks you even after you snapped at her irritated without any apparent reason just because you're wound up in your own thoughts, almost shakes you violently because the real problem is you can't yell at her that it's all her fault, that she's a bloody sneaky bitch snatching your lover away from you and that you'd wished she was dead. You don't, because it's just not true and the tragedy of that revelation is almost worse than anything else.

She doesn't do it on purpose, and she's trying so very hard to avoid it, to fight the obvious fate and to top it off Gwen dying would be devastating; for both, him and you, and you feel guilty for the little relief you feel that not Gwen but Owen and Tosh died. As dreadful a blow this had been for your lover and yourself, your lover wouldn't have recovered from losing Gwen and you're thankful for every day she enters and leaves the Hub relatively unharmed.

Plus you can't help but like her, admire her fighting spirit, her stubbornness, marvel at her emotionality, the care, the kindness, the conscience she's always been to all of you at Torchwood and you have to admit that her sweet apologetic smile will make you forgive her everything; not to mention that she already has saved your sorry ass a couple of times. She's your friend, a friend you can truly rely on, who will always have an open ear for your troubles and problems, unaware that she's the cause for at least some of them.

It's a real tragedy. You feel like watching, or rather being trapped inside, one of those goddamn awful Telenovelas where everybody knows from the start who the final couple at the happy ending will be, well knowing it will take them a painfully long time to get there, to climb over all the obstacles blocking their way; but everybody knows it inevitably will happen. So do you. The beautiful brunette in front of you, one of your dearest friends, who still looks at you worried, will snatch your lover away from you at some time in the future and there's nothing, nothing you can do about it.

The worst about that is that you have already accepted it; deep down in your soul you already knew it, you knew it, starting from day one. God, they all knew it! Well… apart from Gwen and your lover, or maybe even those two knew but tried to ignore it.

But you still can't help it... „Yeah, maybe you're right. Feeling a little off, you know, might be something I've eaten." ...and feel a pang of jealousy as she turns to face your lover again and you see the love he feels for this woman display so openly in his face; unseen, unnoticed by her.


End file.
